It didn't have to end this way.
My car officially died today. At least I believe that's the layman's way of saying there is a blown head gasket and it is more economical to cut my losses and move on then to go for a whole engine rebuild.

The sad thing is, there have been so many times where I wished the damage would be so severe that I would be able to get a new car.I never thought I would feel so sad about it, and yet what she lacks in resale value she makes up for in sentimental value.

She has a bad gasket, but she also has
*the collar from my first pet on her rear view mirror. I promised him that wherever I went, he went. I've always credited my good luck with close yellow lights to him looking out for me.

*The pink cowgirl boot necklace also dangling from my rear view mirror. Purchased in Oakdale with 2 of my best friends, one who lives way to far away in Hawaii and the other who got pregnant and then married and then literally dropped off the face of the earth. Memories with those two warm my heart.

*Glitter puff paint stains on the leather of my driver seat and a little on the steering wheel that takes me back to my sorority days and the random shenanigans we often found ourselves in.

* My very last parking pass from Fresno State (Spring 10)
This is probably the most sentimental of all. The 4 years I spent at Fresno State were so much fun and I learned so much. I am grateful to have gotten the most wonderful education at the school that is the pride of the central valley. I am a bulldog forever.

We've been through a lot together. She's seen me through high school graduation, college graduation, and my heart is rather heavy knowing she won't be there for my law school graduation.

So, thanks for all the memories.
And all the car repair bills along the way ;)

The In Between

So I've been absent from the blogosphere for a while. Mostly because I haven't felt like I had a whole lot to offer. Life has been in between lately. I'm in between loving and hating school, loving and hating exercise, being both terrified and excited for the future.

I suppose if I were to be entirely honest here, I would say that I had been lacking in the motivation that is usually so much my personality. I didn't want to read for school, I didn't want to get up at 5 to work out and let's not even talk about the fact that my duvet cover had been sitting on my floor for weeks because I didn't want to referee the battle between it and my comforter.

I think this apathy rubbed off on my weight loss efforts. I have hit a plateau where I keep gaining and losing the same 3 pounds. It has been really frustrating, but at the same time I know what has not been working for me and I keep making the same mistake.

However, I am now finally feeling like myself again. Okay, so maybe the duvet is still on the floor, but that's only because I've been busy studying and working out and just enjoying life. Which is a positive thing. And even though I hit a plateau, I still feel like I have a lot to put in the WIN category
- I still have been weighing in and attending meetings faithfully
- I still track everything
- I still work out everyday
- I still think I did really well on  some of my midterms
- I have still come a LONG way.
I was flipping through pictures on my Facebook yesterday and found this

This picture was taken last January exploring/ hiking a trail with my bestie. A lot has changed in a year!

55 lbs lighter, size medium. Still wearing awesome oversized tortoise shell sunnies. I'm still, 25-30 pounds from goal, but I can and will get there.
Sometimes what you need to propel you forward is looking back at where you've been.
I have rededicated myself to program and school and I think I'm gonna switch up my diet a little by going heavier on protein and veggies. As a recovering vegetarian, I sometimes eat meat out but I never really think to cook it and I think it will help me have more energy and stay fuller longer. Overall, I think it's a better use of my points than empty carbs.
This is not an attack on carbs. I still plan on eating my whole wheat 45 cal bread, oatmeal, and fruit, but other things like cookies and baked goods etc. should be scaled back.
This is kind of a South Beach phase 2 approach, which I think will jump start the scale to moving back in my favor.
PS- the fitnessista did an awesome post on South Beach this week. Her blog is an awesome resource, she's so down to earth and relatable and all about making your diet/ exercise plan work for you. Check it out!